ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
