im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
