Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
