He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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