it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
