Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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