its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
