Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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