Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
