dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
