He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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