I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
