Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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