I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
