I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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