I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
