Cold hands, warm shart.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
