Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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