woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
