forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
