my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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