The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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