I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
