just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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