Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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