I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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