Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
