We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
