hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
