he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
