I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
