you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
