I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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