This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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