I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
