Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
