did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
