So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
