If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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