Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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