dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
