remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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