We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
