After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone came in the potted fern
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
