i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
