Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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