i can't believe i had my finger in that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
