You just made me feel so damn special
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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