I should be sponsored by Trojan
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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