Non-Jews are for practice
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
