she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
