she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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