I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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