Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
