I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
